Beating the Czech Man (Pause)

So today I was riding dirty on the metro, aka riding without a metro pass. Upon exiting the Vysocanska metro I ran into what I call a "Czecher." I had purchased a metro ticket, however it was for 5 stops, not 8 stops which was the amount of stops I took. Our conversation went like this:

Czecher: "This ticket is not valid. 700kc."

Me: "I paid 18 kc for this ticket. And the next ticket up is 26kc. We're essentially talking about 8kc here. This is kind've silly don't you think?"

Czecher: "I need your passport or 700kc penalty."

Me: "Nope. I'm not giving you 700kc and I don't carry my passport."

Czecher: "well then let's go see the police."

Me: "Yes. Let's do it. Let's go see the police."

Czecher: "(frustrated) Ok, you can go."

The lesson: Czechs can't fuck wit me!!!!

Seventh Heaven: Lakers-Rockets game 7 running diary.....

In honor of one of the rarest and most magnificent events in sports (Game 7 playoff games), I decided to write a running diary for the Rockets-Lakers game 7. So let me set the scene for ya. I'm sitting inside Pat's flat, getting ready to watch the game with Geoff, Mason, and Geoff's Dad who is visiting from home. So that's two lakers fans (Geoff and his Dad), a non-committed (Mason), and myself who is actively rooting for the Rockets +13. We're fed, we're ready to go, and we're hoping for a good game. Without further ado, here...we....go.

9:35 (beginning of 1st quarter): Kenny comes in and tries to create conversation, nobody mentions that this is a huge game 7 violation. He quietly leaves, and I am DEFINITELY prepared to call out this violation if this will happen in the future.

9:36: Lots of tension in here. Geoff and his Dad seem a bit nervous. And if it's this intense in here, imagine how it must feel in L.A. It's got to be AT LEAST half as intense.

9:38: Lakers off to a hot start with an 8-0 lead. Rockets look a little lost on offense and the Lakers are flying all over the floor. Where has this team been?!

9:50: Lakers up 17-6, 3 minutes left of the first quarter. Not looking good for the Rockets or for my $10.50. Rockets are having a tough time getting shots and it looks like Andrew Bynum, D-Fish, and Trevor Ariza's corpses have all been risen from the graze.

10:00: End of the first quarter. 22-12 Lakers. Pau Gasol just turned in a 3 point play after allowing 3 straight baskets on the other end. Pau yells and pounds his chest in jubilation. Glad to know he's only concerned about one end of the floor. In other news, Ron Artest just airballed his 5th shot, but he's got no technicals yet so that's gotta count for something.

Start of the 2nd quarter: Kobe just tried to check into the game, Phil gave him the veto. Great move by Phil, it's not that important to have your best player on the floor in a game 7.

10:05: So far Mason has been very disinterested. But he got his phone call to his girlfriend in and I think we've got him back . It's very important to have Mason with us tonight.

10:13: Becca and Jen just left. We're going to miss them so much!

10:25: Houston is trotting out Von Wafer, Artest, Scola, Aaron Brooks and Chuck Hayes. That team wouldn't win 25 games. It's amazing that they're in a game 7 with the Lakers right now.

Halftime: This game is over, my bet isn't looking too good either. Lakers up 20, Pat's in his room, Mason is tired, Geoff is relieved, David Stern is counting his money, and I'm left with this empty feeling in my stomach and $10.50 poorer.

10:43: Magic Johnson is on ABC's halftime show and I still can't figure out how a man with AIDS is that fat.

A little backstory here; The reason why we're all tired is because we played about 6 games today for the "Prague Streetball Championship." We went 2-1, beat the team we lost to in the first round, and somehow still didn't win the championship. Only in Prague.

Phil Jackson just told the Lakers to "know what you want to do," while Rick Adelman told the Rockets to "cut into as many as you can before we get to the 4th." The NBA: where glorified babysitters get paid 6 mil a year happens.

Unfortunately, we've got a bad internet connection and we're getting very frustrated. I've lost my will to blog. And an unwilled blogger is no better than a non-blogger. So on that note, I'm out. Before I leave, this is how we gonna do this. Fuck the Lakers, fuck Tracy Mcgrady AND Yao Ming, fuck 02 internet as a internet provider, a business, and as a mothafuckin crew. And if you're down with 02 internet company, then fuck you too! Landlord Jaroslav, fuck you too! All you motherfuckers, fuck you too!

Mike's Ali-like return to blogging

YO!! I haven't forgot about you crazy fuckers. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to blog often. The reasons for this are tenfold. Reason number 1 is how busy I've been. I've got loads of classes and spent most of my week working. During my off time I usually choose drinking over blogging. To be fair to blogging, I usually choose drinking over everything else. However, sometimes I choose drinking in other countries, which is the best of both worlds. About 3 weeks ago, I headed to Dresden for my Visa application. Thanks to couchsurfing.com (the greatest website of all time), Nick and I stayed with my two new German friends Caterina and her roommate whose name has all of a sudden gone blank to me. Oh well, that's her bad for not making herself memorable enough. Anyway, Dresden was awesome. Caterina showed us all the spots to be, and even drove us to her fathers vineyard. Then last weekend I had my first visitor in Prague! Viktor man'd up and came out. I wish I could tell you what we did, but all I remember is a blur. I know we went paddling, and I'm pretty sure we ate at the same restaurant 6 times in a row. But what can you do when every meal is under 100 krowns! However you must make sure you get there early, they close at 11 but apparently you're not allowed in after 10:30. Explain that shit to me. Next up, Zach is visiting. But not before I have 2 french couchsurfers this weekend.
Watch: Tyson, Religulous, and Lost.
Listen to: Frightened Rabbit, Digitalism, Notwist, Bloc Party.
Read: More Sex Is Safer Sex, Animal Farm (if you haven't already), and Raise the Roof Beam Carpenters.

Pub Crawl Extraordinaire!

A little over a month ago, my TEFL course had a pub crawl (new favorite compound noun). It wasn't the best pub crawl. We didn't really get to go to too many places, ended up lost, and just didn't get a great grasp of Prague nightlife. So myself and the fellas felt that we could have done a better pub crawl had we done it on our own. And that's when the lights came on! We COULD do our own pub crawl. And then, we SHOULD do our own pub crawl. So we spoke to the head of our TEFL course, and she gave us the chance. We devised our route and set the plan in motion.

We met up with the new course around 7pm. It was a small group of about 7 people. But what they lacked in size they made up for in awesomeness. I know a good TEFL group when I see one, and this is a good group. We showed them how to use the metro and trams, and hit up Charles bridge. Being a guide made me realize how much I know about this city in such a short period of time and also reminded me how much I love Prague. So we made the walk through old town past my flat and made it to our favorite beer hall (another awesome compound noun). The group was a bit shy at first and some were tired. I think Nick and I both realized we'd have to pick up the energy. That and beer. Lots more beer. So about another hour in and we're quickly getting to know the new group. It was kind've like speed dating. Spend about 15 minutes getting to know each person, then move on to someone new. I think they began to trust me when I introduced them to goulash. How can you dislike someone who introduces you to goulash?!!? So after that, we headed out to my favorite little cave bar. The tired became the tireless and continued the crawl (another sign we were doing well). Cave bar served its purpose as we got beers on the cheap and continued partying with this new group. We headed out to Nick's place after that, played some guitar, engaged in another unspoken activity, and headed out for more.

Not to toot our proverbial own horns, but I think this tour was infinitely better than the one we received. Hopefully we get some good feedback, cause we'd love to continue doing this. Teacher by day, superhero by night! Er, super pub crawl hero is more like it I guess. I'll have to put the superhero dreams on hold. For now.

Certified, housed, hired!

So we're about 6 hours away from my favorite time of year and it's really killing me not to be in Vegas right now. The czechs couldn't tell even tell you madness is upon us. Oh they could tell you who won the last three long distance cross country skiing world cups, but they can't name Kobe Bryant, amazing.

So to kill some time I figured I might as well update all you non-traveling, uncultured, arrogant Americans on my life in Praha. I would have been on here a bit more often, but the demands of settling my life in Prague took precedence. Sorry about that. So since I've been reading American Psycho, we're going to just kind've run through things Brett Easton Ellis style. Try and keep up. Any questions or comments can be asked after we are finished. Ready? Fine, we'll wait. Ok let's go.

I've finished the course with a strong pass. Almost everyone in the course passed, we had a good group. Nick, Pat, and Kenny moved into a place in Prague 2 (New Prague), while Geoff, Mason, and I moved into Prague 1 (Old Prague). We live two blocks from Charles Bridge and around the corner from Old Town Square. It's like living on Bourbon st. in New Orleans. We hold down Prague. Discovered a bar where you climb deeper and deeper into the depths of the earth only to find more bars at the bottom. Huge fire hazard, great place to party. We call it cave bar. Got hired to run a pub crawl for incoming TEFL students. Watched Nick spend 30 minutes berating a woman on a tram for littering. Was told by Nick that I "strike fear and moisture into the hearts of labias everywhere." Found out Czech women cheat on their significant others. Pat puked out of a taxi. Nick, Pat, and Kenny had their taxi pulled over for driving on the tram tracks. I am quickly learning to speak Czenglish, which is basically shitty English. After watching Planet Earth, decided that we 'hunt' like African hunting dogs. Work together, close in, strongest gets the kill, remaining dogs search for more 'food.' Decided Friday is the weekend's Monday. Had a secondhand party. Made friendships, broke them, repaired them, and broke them again. Watched Cara pass out completely on a night tram. Props to Kenny for carrying her. Saw Nick slide down a 200 foot escalator, then saw a Czech man run to him when he hit the ground as if he had died. Got spat on by Olivia like a Jew in Palestine. Found out "Tyson" was AIDS-free. Named our new band Sound Foundation. I'm in charge of the G chords. Replaced all direct objects with Czech beers. For instance, "If you encounter a situation where you're alone with a girl and you don't have a Gambrinus, politely suggest she let you put it in her Budvar. Or opt for you going down on her Krucivice while she sucks your Pilsner. That's the only way to avoid paying for a Staropramen." Saw St. Nicholas church, built in 1257, beautiful. Found out my building was built in the 14th century, hung out on my balcony/rooftop (see attached photo above). Went to the Da Vinci "Museum," complete rip-off. Picked my favorite compound nouns- rock star, garbage man, coin purse. Decided that if I were invisible I would become the face of the war on terrorism by assassinating Osama Bin Laden. Heard Nick tell our Professor Terry "yeah I'll tell you what she likes. She likes the sauce!" Told him he's gone too far. For the 346th time. Inadvertantly taught Czech students about Jesus. Got a J-O-B!

That last one is actually important and deserves its own detailed report. I got hired at a school called IJV. Oddly, Nick got hired there too. Plus I know a few other cool girls that work there. We are guaranteed full time (which is a big deal), have our work permit and visa paid covered, my health insurance and social security covered, transportation pass discount, and get 4 weeks paid vacation! It's a really sweet school. I'm excited. It was the school that we had set our sights on and we're very happy to be working there. I go in for contract negotiations tomorrow, I'm going to ask for a no trade clause.

All in all, everything is really coming together and I'm enjoying it immensely. I can't say enough about how much fun we're having. Great people, great beer, beautiful city, and now a beatiful home and job! Until next time....

CERTIFIED!

TEFL certification has been completed. Update blog coming soon. Stay tuned.

Update

Unfortunately, I have been extremely busy teaching Czechs how to read, write, listen to, and speak English. I also am lacking a constant source of internet. So for the next 3 weeks or so, don't be surprised to see shitty blogs like this one. I will just bullet point random things I have been up to.

• I finished week 1 of the course and was monitored on my 45 minute elementary lesson I gave to Czech students. The lesson was on irregular verbs spoken in the past tense. Fun stuff! I actually did pretty well according to my teacher and passed the lesson easily. Which is no small feat.
  
• I was given a private student whom I have yet to contact. Although I know she is an upper-intermediate student named Lucie. So in addition to teaching twice a week and lesson planning for those lessons, I must teach my private student over the next 2 weeks as well. At the end of teaching my private student, I must write a 10 page paper. So much for just coming out here and speaking English to Czech people.
  
• It is likely that we will be looking at our new flat on tuesday. It's a 3 bedroom near old town. Which is where you want to be. So that should be sweet.
• My roommates are fucking nuts. But fucking nuts in a good way. We've been getting along great, having meals together, creating rules for "the dojo" (our flat), and just taking Prague by the balls.
  
• I met up with two Czech girls who my Uncle Rudy set me up with all the way from San Francisco. And we ended up drinking about 10-12 pints a piece. Shenanigans and hilarity ensued.

Also, I went to London, partied with a 49er, and damn near died in Paris from some Parisian Bird Flu. Class is starting, and I must learn more about the 'Perfect Present Tense.'

Until next time....