So it begins....

Hello and welcome to the very first edition of The PragueNosis! I've decided to start a blog in order to keep up with my time in Prague as well as all my travels abroad. I came to Prague in order to teach and travel, and I will be writing about both, as well as anything else I damn well feel like. For those of you who don't know what a blog is (Hi Mom!), it's similar to a diary. Except instead of keeping it under a bed with a lock you put it online and let everybody read it.

I've been in Prague for almost 3 weeks now, and I've learned quite a lot:

1. It's Cold. It's cold, it's cold, it's cold. It's so cold in Prague I think "Man vs. Wild" should do an episode here. Bear Grillz aint got shit on me! Yeah he can scale the Andes, but can he walk from Petrin Hill to the other side of The Charles Bridge without freezing his balls off? I say no. It's so freakin cold here that half the time I'm walking home from the tram stop, I feel like I'm going to see Luke Skywalker curled up inside of a Tauntaun. All you California folk better appreciate what you have. I'm counting down the days until Spring, whenever that is. Let me just show you how cold it is in Prague. (You're going to have to turn your head because Geoff doesn't know how a camera works.)










2. People do not respect the single-file line. Apparently, there is no order in the Czech Republic. I've been cut off in line at least 4 times already. I've probably only gotten in 3 lines, so you do the math. I know these freaking commi's know how a line works. I've seen those old USSR videos! Apparently you need a Russi with a kalashnikov standing nearby to keep people in Czech (get it, Czech?).

3. Dishwashers, dryers, hot water, consistent internet, REAL Football, are all unnecessary American items. I went to a bar the other day, and they had long distance skiing on! Long distance skiing. "Oh my god what an athletic machine! He can ski on level ground!" Whoop-de-fuckin-do. As for showering with cold water? I'm still too traumatized to talk about that, we're moving on. No dishwasher? That one actually isn't that bad. Putting on crispy t-shirts however, not so great. This country is just ass backwards in almost every way possible. Let me just show you how stupid this country is. Take a look at that photo up there with the ducks. DUCKS! Even the ducks are too stupid to fly south for the winter!!!


4. The Czech language is stupid and unnecessary. It's just a complete waste of sound. Every time I hear someone on the tram speaking I think they might be choking or having some sort of seizure. You know how you see a hot girl and then you hear her speaking French, Spanish, Russian, whatever, and she becomes 10x hotter? Well hearing a girl speak Czech is like the exact opposite of that. I wouldn't bang Scarlett Johansson if she spoke Czech. That's a lie, nothing could stop me from banging Scarlett Johansson, but you get my point.

5. Prague is amazingly beautiful. What Prague lacks in well, everything else, it makes up for in good cheap beer, great public transportation, and unbelievably gorgeous views of the city. So as you can imagine, it's very easy to get drunk and take a tram to see beautiful parts of Prague. Just take a look at some of these photos. There's nothing else to say about that.

6. Everything that goes wrong can be traced to Communism or Gypsies. I actually can't disagree with the Czech people on this one. Gypsies, Communists, the American Health Care System, and extremist Muslims are pretty much everything that is wrong with the world. You can't sway me here.

So after a few weeks everything has obviously been pretty interesting. The Czech people are cold at first, but I'm told that when they warm up to you they are really good people. Hopefully that will come once I start teaching. For my next blog I'll be telling the story of my Amsterdam trip, so be sure to come on back and check that out. Props to Damon Hastings for the awesome PragueNosis banner you see up at the top there. And hopefully soon enough I can get a little better at the layout for this blog. It looks like a video I wanted to show you doesn't feel like posting itself, so I'll try to come on back and fix that.

Lastly, although I am out here living the dream, I miss all of you back home. All of my family, my friends, you're all in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, I said prayers. I know, it doesn't feel right to me either but let's just roll with it. Love you all and see you next time!